Guest-List Drama! 5 People You DON'T Have To Invite
Weddings are beautiful, emotional times - a day for you and your chosen partner to celebrate your love and commit to one another forever. But they can also be super-stressful, and everyone close to you will want to have a say in how your wedding is organized: your décor, your music and, of course, your guest list.
Of course, there are certain must-dos when it comes to invitations: marrying in a church, for example, it's customary for your priest to be in attendance at your reception; if your parents are footing a large percentage of the bill, they'll want a say (and you can't complain too much about the invitation of your elderly neighbor); and immediate family and friends are a shoo-in.
That being said, there are certain people you may feel pressurized to invite, while you would feel much more comfortable if they weren't there. The key? #justsayno
This is your big day, and if inviting a certain someone is going to make you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious or in any way negative, leave them out. This doesn't apply to old family friends you just don't care about, but you all will have certain people you simply don't want at your special day - and that's okay! Here are our top five:
1 Your ex
Okay, so he was a big part of your life. Perhaps he's best friends with your brother, he and your Dad still go fly-fishing or he's the son of your Mom's bestie. There is no reason for him to be invited to your ceremony if you don't feel 100% comfortable with it. Explain to the interested party (Mom, who "just can't understand why you aren't being reasonable about this!") that you'd feel more comfortable without him there - and suggest that he, too, might not feel as if the invitation is appropriate. Furthermore, if he is invited, chances are he'll feel pressured to come.
Offer to write him a note, explaining your feelings, or even give him a call to say that your family would love to have him there but you feel it might slightly irk your new honey. He'll understand - and this way, you'll avoid having to go to his nuptials!
2 His ex
They dated from the ages of 17 to 27 and she's a huge part of his family; his Mom meets her for lunch once a month, and even your fiancé still hangs out with her occasionally. Even though you know there are no romantic feelings there whatsoever, you can't stand the thought that his Mom, Dad or sisters would be looking at her wistfully during the ceremony. Again, talk through it reasonably. Explain your feelings, and be sure to impress upon your man and his family that, while you harbor no ill will towards his ex, you just don't want her at your wedding.
You could suggest inviting her to the post-event barbecue, or hosting an intimate party at his house for the friends and family who didn't make the guest list. (This idea goes down particularly well if your numbers are very low - his family will appreciate your trying to include those who matter to them in your celebration.)
3 Your ex best friend from school
You and she used to be thick as thieves, but when you moved away to college you just lost touch - and ever since, you've felt as if there's a slight animosity between you. The problem? She's super-tight with your sister and your Mom, and they're exerting serious pressure to have her at your wedding.
Sit them down and talk it through; you're not friends any more and you don't even feel particularly fond of her, and you're sure the feeling is mutual. You would have no interest in going to her wedding, and you doubt she'd be interested in going to yours, aside from using the opportunity to hang out with your Mom and sister (which they can do any time, and a damn sight cheaper!). Be firm, but polite.
4 Your hairdresser
No, we're not kidding! This really does come up - and it makes sense! You've known her for longer than some of your friends, your BFFs on Facebook and she's seen you through several messy breakups! But the relationship you have with your hairdresser is rarely going to be the same as the one you have with your friends, and even though she's going to be there the morning of, there's nothing that says you have to invite her to your reception.
Of course, if your numbers are unlimited and you think you'd like to share the day with her, go crazy - but if your guest list is already flying a little close to the sun and you're not quite sure about inviting her, just don't. Top tip? Don't awkwardly say, "I'd love you to come later, but..." Just thank her for her help, give her a big hug and tell her you'll see her soon.
5 Your besties' boyfriends
Controversial, right?! Isn't it pretty commonplace to offer your guests plus ones, especially your best friends? Well, yes and no. Say your ceremony is an intimate gathering of friends and families and your reception room has a small maximum capacity - what's to say your five best girlfriends from high school can't keep each other company?
Explain to your gals that your budget is tight and your guest list even tighter, and that, seeing as they all know one another, you thought they wouldn't mind - if they're the friends you think they are, they really won't! The exceptions? Husbands, along with boyfriends of more than three years, get an automatic pass!