Close We use cookies to give you the best possible online experience. If you continue, we'll assume you are happy for your web browser to receive all cookies from our website.
See our privacy policy for more information on cookies and how to manage them.

Why Won't My Groom Just Smile And Nod?

Dear Olivia,

Please help! My sweet, easygoing fiancé has an opinion about EVERYTHING about our upcoming wedding. He wants a simple, backyard barbeque with our friends and family, but I’m dreaming of an elegant sit-down dinner at a hotel – with at least 150 people! I understand that it’s his wedding too… but isn’t it really the bride’s day?! - Annie


Boy, oh boy – sounds like you have a battle on your hands, and that’s before you get to what he thinks he’s wearing to this backyard shindig!

The bad news? This is just the beginning of a lifetime of compromise and shared decisions. While it can be frustrating feeling you have to compromise on your dream day, you should be at least a teeny bit happy that he wants a part of it!

Weddings today can be totally personalized, and they’re such a reflection of you and your fiancé as a team. While it would be nice if the wedding was just about you, your fiancé obviously cares a great deal about it, too. I know, I know – sorry, honey!

Each of you should have a list of your “must-haves”. Start with:

  • Food – Do you want a buffet or a plated dinner, and what kind of food?
  • Music – Will you have a band or a DJ and what music are you into?
  • Guest list – Will it be your nearest and dearest, or everyone you’ve ever met?
  • Color scheme – What are your favorites?

In terms of venue, you two couldn’t be further apart! If he wants backyard and you want elegant sit-down, why not try to find a beautiful outdoor location? You can bring in beautiful tables, elegant dinnerware, and even tent the dining area and fill it with chandeliers to get the best of both worlds.

For food, discuss having a variety of tray-passed hors d’oeuvres. If the hubs-to-be needs barbeque, you could get some fancy sliders and French fries (who can resist a mini cheeseburger?). For dinner, compromise by having carving or serving stations to jazz things up. If your heart is set on a plated meal being served to your guests, make sure your man is a part of the tasting so he at least feels he’s having a say!

Music is one of the easier decisions, since no matter what type of entertainment you choose, they will be able to play a wide selection. This could end up being a decision guided by budget; there is a big price difference between a DJ and a band.

Colors and décor could be a little tougher! Fingers crossed this is an area where your fiancé will have less interest and opinions! If your luck is out on this one too, hope that your favorite colors complement each other. And if they don’t? Stick to neutrals and find ways to bring pops of your favorites in creative ways (invites, escort cards, dance floor monogram and lighting).

The bottom line? This is the first day of the rest of your life together – as a couple. The planning process will paint a nice picture of what’s to come (so remember to stay calm and respect his opinions!). Good luck!

Love, laughter and happiness,



Log in or register to post comments