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He Drives You Crazy - Dealing With a Demanding Fiancé

It's clear that you love him - and that he loves you - otherwise you wouldn't be getting married, right? But planning a wedding can be a stressful time for all involved, and there's no rule that says you have to be happy with him 24/7, especially in the run-up to the big day! With 10,000 people pulling you in several directions, a budget to grapple with and an infinite number of tiny details to sort out, your fiancé, though he may feel he's being a big help, can often feel like more of a hindrance!

We've all been there - and though (we promise) everything will be all right on the night, it's worth having some coping mechanisms in play for when you'd rather kill him than kiss him!

He's taking a back seat

For better or worse, wedding planning is often seen as a woman's remit - it's the bride who's been fantasizing about this since she was a child, the bride who has to pick the dress, placate the family and deal with the vendors. It can be incredibly frustrating juggling all of these balls while your other half sits back and watches the game or goes out for drinks with his friends. And when he does deign to "help" - usually to offer strict guidelines for the food and entertainment - it feels like he's giving orders, rather than digging in. 

Before you get in too deep, sit him down and talk about your expectations for planning this wedding. You may have certain ideas in mind for your color scheme or food, but this day is for the two of you and it's worth impressing upon him that he has a serious stake in this, too! Divide up tasks - maybe he can be responsible for liaising with the venue, caterers and entertainment, while you'll focus on the décor, outfitting for the wedding party and the nitty-gritty of the ceremony. Schedule in weekly meetings (maybe over Sunday brunch) to talk about where you are and discuss any pressing issues that require collaboration. 

He's too involved

On the flipside, some men can turn into groomzillas when it comes to planning a wedding - he sees this as a big investment and a big step for him and his family, and he wants to make sure he has his say. But the way he's going about it - man, is he annoying! You've put in all this work and then he sticks his oar in with a big objection to plans you've spent hours putting in place. 

Again, the key is to get in there early and talk about your ideas for your wedding. Compromise is key, and if he wants a laidback barn wedding while you're more into five-star luxury, you'll need to find a common ground. Tell him which aspects of your wedding you're most adamant about: maybe there's just no way you're getting married without a church ceremony, or you've always dreamt of having a pink and gold color scheme. Make sure you're both on the same page and no one feels like they're being sidelined. 

He wants to invite his ex

Exes can be a huge bone of contention in any relationship, especially if they're still on the scene, even if you're 100% sure it's just in a friendship capacity. If his ex-girlfriend is still a big part of his life - maybe they went out during high school and she's close to his family, too - then of course he'll want her to be there on the big day. But it's understandable, too, that this might make you uncomfortable; you don't want to feel like there's a woman sitting at your ceremony thinking she'd make a better match for your hubbie!

Talk to him about your concerns and try to find a compromise. Maybe you could invite her to the reception, and have a more intimate ceremony for close family and friends. Or perhaps you could include her after the day - are you having a lunch or barbecue the day after your wedding that you'd be happy for her to attend? Express very clearly to him your feelings about his ex; maybe you feel that her relationship with his family undermines yours, or that she's just never been that friendly to you. Ultimately, you shouldn't have anyone at your wedding that makes either of you feel uncomfortable and he should understand your reservations. 

He has different priorities

This is something that comes up time and again with couples - and yes, we're talking budgets. When you have financial parameters in place, deciding where to spend and where to save can be a rough ride! While you've always dreamed of walking up the aisles on a bed of rose petals, he wants to take that cash and invest it in finding a great celebrant who really gets to the heart of you as a couple - or you might want to save on desserts and invest in a great cake table instead. 

Sit down and work out a precise budget, and figure out what both of your top priorities are, allocating most of your money to them. Then work your way down the list and compromise as you go - so your dream of having a 10-foot train might need to be forgotten in order for you guys to get the perfect wedding band. You won't remember the details you spent or saved on, but you will remember if either one of you is unhappy with the choices - so make sure you're on the same page.


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