How to... Choose your Maid of Honor
Sometimes you don’t have to think twice about who is going to be your maid of honor. Then there is the situation where you are have a few different options and you run the risk of hurting some feelings.
The maid of honor will be your right-hand woman before and on the day of the wedding. Her main duties include planning the bridal shower and helping you choose your gown (no pressure). The bridesmaids are then on hand to assist the maid of honor and the bride, should she need them.
Your maid of honor should be someone who is responsible and can get things done. She also needs to be someone who can make you laugh and help you calm any pre-wedding nerves. She should be able to listen to you tearily talk about how much you love your husband-to-be after a few too many tequilas, and be able to deal with any bridesmaid meltdowns. She will have to be super organized and keep your other bridesmaids organized too. She should be able to schedule in time to help you with pre-wedding preparations and come wedding shopping with you.
Although it’s an honor, being a maid of honor is a lot of pressure and not everyone is up to the job. This woman will be who you turn to for help before and on the day of the wedding so you want to choose the right person for the job.
Don’t feel like you owe someone the title of maid of honor just because you were enlisted as theirs. You don’t have to honor any childhood promises or choose someone because you’re afraid of hurting their feelings.
To help you through this minefield there are a few considerations that will help you make the decision about who will be joining you at the altar.
Etiquette dictates that your sister nearest in age to you should be your maid of honor. If your sister is much younger than you, or you aren’t very close your decision isn’t so easy. You can include her as a bridesmaid but you might not want to give her a role of responsibility. If this is the case, or you don’t have a sister, you can always turn to a cousin or perhaps your future sister-in-law. But don’t feel obliged to choose a family member, you have to feel comfortable with your decision.
You’ve got a friend
If you have a few BFFs to choose from you might have no idea where to turn. An easy way to sort out who will be your maid of honor is to go with the friend you’ve known the longest. Your other friends will (or should) understand why you chose your long-time childhood friend. But if you are equally close with all of your bridesmaids, there will always be one who you have a special bond with.
If you have two people you can’t choose between for the role, why not pick them both! You can avoid bruised egos by having a maid of honor and a matron of honor (even then you still have to decide who will do what!) They’ll have to work together, so make sure they’ll be able to get along and work as a team to fulfil the maid of honor’s responsibilities.
Let ‘em down gently
There will be brides who end up in a situation where there are hurt feelings and even tears after a choosing a maid of honor. Take that person to one side and explain your reasons. If she’s a friend she’ll understand. You can’t please everyone, and you definitely shouldn’t have to spend your wedding day pleasing others.
Your wedding, your choice
At the end of the day it’s your wedding so you choose who you want! You don’t have to have a maid of honor, so you could split the tasks between your bridesmaids. What works for one bride doesn’t work for all, so you call the shots and make it your day.